I have been wanting you for so long, wanting you to be mine. But once I got the chance my heart flatlined. I was surprised to say the least- speechless is more like it. Soon after, once my voice is alive again, my heart kick started and began to pound the inside of my chest. Happiness coated any amount of pain or sadness harboring in the deepest crevasses throughout my body.

Euphoria lifted me up sky high and I was undoubtedly on my way to cloud 9. Kissing you was a rush, sparks all over my body wherever you touched. 

You electrified my inner most soul. You lit a part of me on fire I would of never knew existed, if it weren’t for you. Chills ran up and down my spine, like a million microscopic people doing suicides back and forth, between my tailbone and neck. This feeling you gave me, it made me want to wrap my arms around your neck, with your arms grasped firmly, warmly, full of care and trust, around my waist and stay like that. Allowing our energy to flow through each other, passing our good vibrations to one another, to just connect to your spirit.

Not to love your body, I do not need lust. 

Not to love your mind, I do not need psychological games. 

To love your pure, naked spirit. All I need is divine, true love. 

Spiritual love is the most excepional type of love there is.

But suddenly the empty spaces beneath my feet grew. I began free falling. My heart is now next to my stomach in my lower abdomen. I feel this, it is too real to deny such a feeling. I start panicking and grabbing at the empty pit where my heart once was. I glance up with teary eyes to see what you have done; all I can see is you walking on with a straight face, completely unfazed. 

I come to a sudden halt and find myself upon a grey, ridged cloud. Trying to regroup myself, I pick up all the pieces of my shattered heart and attempt to fix my broken heart. Once I finish trying to repair what you have broken, I curl up in a ball, wrapping my hands around my knees and tucking my head in the  space between my chest and legs. I pull myself in closer for warmth-emotional and physical. I try to hard not to feel the pain because I know it will be unbearable. I talk myself into emotional numbness, to save myself from the heartache I cannot handle. But as time goes on, the pain becomes more powerful, the more I try to ignore it, the more it makes its presence known. I feel like a balloon, being overfilled with thick, mucky water. As the seconds creep by, I know it will soon burst. 

And It does. 

My heart rips open and tears flood down my face. Screams fill the room, sadness drapes over me. I scream louder, waling at the top of my bruised lungs, “HOW COULD THIS HAPPEN!!?”. I am ankle deep in my own tears, the cries eventually die down. I feel empty; the pit in my chest is no longer filled by a heart, it is a black hole eating me alive. A smile is no longer an available option I can check off to obtain. Despair swallowed me whole and is refusing to digest me. Through this agony, I softly drift into a deep sleep on a now white, fluffy cloud. 

When the morning comes, I wake up in a dazy state. Every moment leading up to this second seems as a dream within a dream. And the strangest of them all, I am back in my dry, warm bed with no tears, no emptiness, no depression- only contentment, happiness, and a maroon red heart softly pulsing behind my left rib cage. 

If I could just find one person that actually appreciates me and knows my worth then I’ll be satisfied…